HomeBench RacingMy Speed DemonRevenge of My Speed Demon

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'97 Saturn SL Engine

Revenge of My Speed Demon

Bench Racing

by Ryan King

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I knew it was coming.

The vengeance of My Speed Demon can be swift, brutal, and complete.

It turned its godlike powers on the Saturn causing it to burn copious amounts of oil.

This very much reminds of the Brady Bunch episodes where they go to Hawaii and Bobby ends up finding the Tiki idol (except it didn't involve spiders, surfing, my back going out during a hula lesson, or a trip to Hawaii for that matter).

If you aren't up on why My Speed Demon is upset, or the procurement of a Saturn, please see the original editorial entitled My Speed Demon.

For those of you aware of the Saturn and My Speed Demon's response to it...it isn't sulking in the corner any more. In fact, its grief has turned to the kind of rage that can only be expressed when coming out of the kind of pain that the purchase of a Saturn can cause. Its eyes are no longer black, but bloodshot, red rimmed and flashing with the kind of fury that makes the heavens tremble.

As I type this, My Speed Demon is thrumming with its signature drone and stalking towards me. Its tail raised in the shape of a lightning bolt (I know it's pissed now because it isn't easy for a little idol in the shape of an irregular ball to stalk you teetering back and forth from foot to foot).

I think I should probably stop writing and run...I've never seen it this upset before. Usually it just drones and barks commands at me...now it isn't saying a word. It's just slowly making its way towards me.

It's very angry.

I should've locked it in the trunk of the Saturn and left it at the dealership with the car when I dropped it off for the warranty work.

Uh, oh. I think that ticked him off even more.

I'm in deep trouble now.

Like worse than when you leave the toilet seat up for your significant other.

I'll have to get back to you as soon as I work this out...

If I can still type.

I could really use that trip to Hawaii right about now.


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